Hey mamas!

No matter what stage of divorced life you are at right now, the importance of acceptance, healing, and moving on are huge. I know that divorce is not something we go into our marriages expecting, so when it happens it throws off everything. Making our entire life hilter skilter and throwing our future’s out of whack.  So here are some tips to help you heal and learn to accept this new life status.

How To Accept Your Divorce

It feels like giving up. It feels like defeat. It’s messy. It’s complicated. It’s not an easy decision to make. It’s divorce.  Whether you are just starting the divorce process, or if like me, you are many years past it, accepting that it’s happening/happened doesn’t come easily. It takes strength, courage, and a lot of self-love to accept this huge change.  I know it’s devastating, I know you are probably angry. But trust that it is going to get better.

You Did Not Fail

Say it. Believe it. ” I did not fail.”  Remember this when you feel like a giant failure. You are not. Divorce does not mean that you failed. You didn’t give up on your marriage. If your marriage was healthy and there was love in it, then you would have found a way to get through anything life was throwing at you. This means that the relationship was not healthy and therefore needed to be reexamined and ended.

That may sound a bit harsh, but mama, it’s the truth.  It is not good for you and or your children to be living in a toxic, unhealthy, and negative environment. So no, you did not fail.  You tried, you gave everything you had, but in the end, it was just not right, and you need to choose what’s best for you and your children. So remember that you did the right thing, no matter how awful it feels. Be proud of yourself. You got out.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Disappointment 

Probably the biggest thing for me personally was being afraid to tell people I was getting a divorce because I didn’t want to disappoint them.  The friends of the family who attended the wedding, the pastor who married us, my distant relatives. I didn’t want to prove anyone right about the relationship failing, nor did I want to disappoint anyone who thought we could make it.  I felt a little ashamed and didn’t want to admit what was happening to anyone who wasn’t super close to me.

But eventually, over time, I stopped caring about that and I didn’t care anymore who knew, who asked, or how they’d take the news.  Don’t wait years to feel that way as I did. Don’t worry about disappointing others, if you feel comfortable enough to share the reasons behind the split, perhaps that will help. If you don’t want to air your dirty laundry then just hope that they will understand and respect the decision.  Also, don’t feel disappointed in yourself. No one is perfect, life happens, and God is in control. Not you. It’s sad yes, but don’t be disappointed.

Be Proud

I know I said this already, but mama you should be so darn proud of yourself! Removing yourself and your children from a bad situation is nothing to be ashamed of. Even if the divorce wasn’t your decision, know that it is still a blessing. That person was not all in with you and was not right for you. It’s an extremely difficult pill to swallow. But part of acceptance is coming to that realization.  Be proud of yourself for recognizing the truth of the situation and choosing to move forward on your own. You are a boss mama who deserves better! So smile, look ahead to all the good things that will come your way and be proud of the strong, amazing woman this experience is making you.

If you are really struggling, whether it’s with legal details, emotional trauma, or custody issues I highly recommend scheduling a consultation with the top divorce attorneys at divorce lawyer Tampa. You will find great resources and information as well as personal consult on your divorce. It’s worth looking into no matter where you live. Don’t be afraid to seek help, and fight any issues that are causing you stress. You are not alone in this.

Accept It.

So when it comes to truly accepting your divorce, there are many layers and steps. Depending on where you are in your journey and emotions, accepting your divorce may come sooner than expected or take several years to finally settle in.  But here are key things to remember.  Take the necessary time to grieve the loss of your marriage. To be devastated over the end of the relationship and the end of your dreams and goals with that person.  Those dreams and goals may still be possible, just on your own and not with them.  Feel strong, allow those around you to show you love, sympathy and don’t say no to things that will help you to heal.

Another part of acceptance is letting go. Letting go of what was, and what could have been. That is a hard one, I know. But you can’t move forward if you’re still stuck in the past.  You must choose to accept this new life of singledom. You must choose joy, and look for the light in the darkness.  You are a strong, powerful woman and YOU GOT THIS .  Now go sing on top of a mountain, let it all go, and enjoy your new found freedom.

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Much love,

JessXO