Hey, there sexy mama!

So, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while because I’ve had it up to wazoo with dealing with the dumb things people can say. I’m sure all these things have been said to you and as a single mom doesn’t it just make you want to strangle the person? Ok…maybe that’s just me…I tend to have a violent imagination haha…so I have made a list of 10 things to never say to a single mom. Let’s get into this.

10 Things To Never Say To A Single Mom

1. Get a sitter.

Yeah, I’m just going to leave my kid with some random stranger or dump them on a friend or relative so I can go hang out with you. Sure. Oh, and I’ll be pulling money out from my arse to pay them as well. Sounds terrific. See you at 8.

Do people actually expect a single mother to just have someone available at all times to watch their kid so they can just take off whenever? Look, I am taking care of my child/ren ALONE. I cannot and will not be going out with you tonight. Sometimes we have to remind our friends that don’t have it as easy and we have a 24/7 responsibly.

If your friend is the one who’s the single parent, please remember this and try to be more considerate when making plans. Or hey, a great idea would be to offer to babysit so your friend can actually go have some time out by herself, I bet nothing would make her happier!

2. Where’s the dad?

This question makes me want to show them my inner ghetto attitude with a very nasty “that ain’t none ya business!” But instead, I just answer them leaving out all the horrific and angering details even though it isn’t any of their business. My kid’s dad is in Acapulco working as a spy for the Government protecting us from the aliens if you must know, because why else would he not be in his kid’s life?

My son’s “father” is absent from his life, which is actually pretty normal in the life of a single mom.  So when clueless people ask why his dad isn’t around it makes my blood boil.  Never assume that every woman, mother, or kid has a man in their life. Some don’t. There’s nothing wrong with single parenting, so don’t act like it’s abnormal or wrong to be raising a kid without a dad.

3. Doesn’t the dad help? Does he have custody?

Again with the whole dad thing. Seriously? Why do people even ask this? When they look at a single mom what makes them think to ask if the dad helps out or sees them sometimes? Not all separated families co-parent. Most actually don’t. So don’t be nosy. Get over your unrealistic views of what a family is and please don’t ever ask a single mom about co-parenting. Just don’t.

4. Do they have different dads?

If you have more than one child I’m sure you’ve been asked this. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? I can’t believe people actually ask this. My sister is a single mom to three kids, all with different fathers and you can easily guess this because the boys look nothing alike so it stirs the question. But it’s not something you have any right to ask. So move along.

5. No statistics.

People love quoting statistics to us. Like as if they think telling us facts that are mostly wrong will make us change our entire lives for the better. Come on now! If you are not a single parent, then don’t you dare quote statistics to me and think you’re being helpful. You’re not.

6. You single moms.

Never ever start off a conversation by saying “you single moms” umm…excuse me? Us single moms? Watch it, sweetie. I’ll fight you. I mean, Really?  We don’t need your judgment or criticisms over our life choices or circumstances, K? Thanks.

7.I feel like a single mom too.

Ok, let’s get something straight. If you are married, are in a relationship, or something to that effect then no, you cannot say that you relate to being a single mom in any way. Women are always saying, my husband works all the time, or he travels a lot or my boyfriend doesn’t help with my kids so I feel like a single mom too. You’re kidding me, right?

No honey, you have no clue what being a real single mom is like. So appreciate the man you have in your life and shut your mouth. Don’t mean to be harsh, but you have no idea how good you have it. Never compare your hard day taking care of the kids by yourself with what it’s like to live every day as a single mom.

8. How do you do it alone?

How do you ask?  Umm well, the same way any other mom on the planet does it. By loving my child/ren with all my heart and doing my best for them. I am perfectly capable, and you should believe that I am too. I just simply do it. There isn’t a how. There is no single mom manual. Love is all you need.

9. Poor kid, he/she doesn’t have a dad.

I’m sorry? Did I hear you correctly? My poor kid? That’s hilarious. There is nothing poor or sad about my kid not having a dad. My son is lucky and better off to not have his dad in the picture. As long as a child is loved, then no. They are not poor and they are not missing out on anything.

Despite all the statistics about kids not having fathers, in most cases, there are no real negative effects. As long as a child is cared for, has everything they need then what’s so great about having some male adult around? There’s nothing some man can do for my child that I can’t. End of story.

10. I’m sorry.

When someone tells me they are sorry that I’m a single mom I seriously don’t understand. You’re sorry for….what? Please explain why it’s so awful that I have beautiful kids that I get to take care of and love. I don’t know what it is you feel so sorry for but, I don’t accept your apology. I would, however, love to accept a coffee and some girl talk. But don’t apologize because you pity me or feel bad that my child or I am missing something, because we’re not. We’re just fine.

I hope this has opened your eyes a bit and taught you how to respond to these ridiculous questions or what not to say to any single mom you come across or how to better handle yourself when people say dumb things to you. We are in this together.  On your own, but never alone. 😉

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Love, Jess XO